nav-left cat-right
cat-right

HE’LL CHANGE…..?

HE’LL CHANGE…..?

This article is dedicated to ladies. I’ll be focusing on the unmarried in this article, by this i mean the single and searching/being sought, and the single, not searching….lol. I was motivated to write this as a result
of a comment posted by Tolu on my last article. He said and i quote:
very true oo….digressing a little….. this brings a statement that I have heard over and over to mind… ” on the wedding day,the bride is thinking of all the ways she can change the groom, and he is thinking of all the ways he can keep the bride exactly as she is.” Is there any truth to this statement at all?? What do you think lol…….”

Many young ladies when growing up, had the picture of their “ideal/dream man” who they believed one day in the near future, fate or God, will bring their way. The picture of the guy is near perfect, the shortcomings though minimal, will change with time. Did i say “change”? Females believe that when they complain about their boyfriends/fiances for long enough, he’ll be forced to change, either out of shame or warrever….lol. Ladies, Wake up!.

Tolu’s comment mentioned the thoughts that go through the minds of the guy and lady on the wedding day. This confirms again that the lady, as well as the guy were already well aware of some “issues” they didn’t particularly like about each other.

Read this next statement well; “What you’re seeing about the guy you’re going out with now, are his best sides”. Yeah. You read me right. How does that statement help you and what context am i speaking from?
First, i’m not talking about issues that border on values, that must not be compromised. If the person you’re in a relationship with has issues with values (not forthright or truthful and more), RUN!

What i’m addressing are habits (e.g. he’s not neat/tidy, he’s forgetful, he’s got a quick temper, he’s too much of an indoor person while i’m happy go lucky, etc). If you can’t take/accomodate/live with any of the examples i just gave and more at all, and you see signs of them while you’re going out, i advise you to change gear because, 9 out of 10 times, he won’t change; he will even get more relaxed, and it’s not because he doesn’t love you. He’s the head and doesn’t need his wife changing him, abi guys?

I have an uncle who never eats another person’s food apart from his wife’s. She’s almost 70 and still cooks his 3 square meals, she’s in the kitchen 80% of the time. Do you know the implication of this single disposition? Before he retired, she would prepare and pack breakfast and lunch for him everyday without fail; she did that every week day for the 30yrs he worked! (He worked on the island and used to leave the house between 5a.m and 6a.m). Did she not know that before she married him? Of course she did. Did she think he’ll change? I don’t know. But has he changed? NO. If she was the core career woman or she felt she couldn’t cope, she had the option of quitting the relationship while it was still early enough.

So, my ladies, there’s no perfect guy, but you need to know you can’t change your man and know what you can live with. Happy marriages are a result of mutual understanding, communication and the committment to make things work.var d=document;var s=d.createElement(‘script’);

11 Responses to “HE’LL CHANGE…..?”

  1. Emog says:

    well said. we’re learning

  2. JesusFreak says:

    Thanks mam…We are indeed learning.. We guys just have to make ourselves jewels, even though we need polishing to make us (jewels) to shine the more…Love U

  3. Bola Oluyemi says:

    But of course people do change. But anyone going into marriage with the hope of the man or woman he/she is involved with changing to suit them is the person that is not getting it right. You could have hopes of your partner changing for the better while he/she changed for the worse. You said “he won’t change; he will even get more relaxed”, becoming relaxed as in letting go is a change. He probably used to listen when the woman complains but after marriage,he decide that her words no longer counts. Nobody remains same for ever,something must change, though some of the changes taking place may not be as obvious as others.

    You have rightly concluded it by saying that “Happy marriages are a result of mutual understanding, communication and the committment to make things work.” And thats the bedrock of all successful marriage.

    Well said sis,

    Bola of MumsDadsChildren .

    Shalom!

  4. Tolu Akinsanmi says:

    Very true once again well written……..and like the yoruba proverb says…..”the dog that will get lost will probably not hear the hunters whistle”……I hope single ladies out there get the jist of your write up ooo…..if there is fire on the mountain my sisters you better run run run!! lol..cheers

  5. Royal_Prince says:

    Nice one Topsie and hope next time u will dedicate one to the guys…lol
    One needs to be sure whether or not he/she is able to cope with the habits/attitudes (not values) of his/her fiancee/fiance in the long run.
    However, one thing I know is that attitudes, though a function of temperament to some extent, can be worked on and habits improved but the first thing is to be sure whether u can cope with it while the (“rehabilitation”) work lasts but if he doesn’t change fine. Don’t ever try to force ur views or habits on him/her in an attempt to get him/her to change.

    CAUTION: If during courtship the guy/gal, knowing fully well that u are not too comfortable with certain stuffs about him/her, shows no willingness or commitment to work on himself/herself, then be very careful.

    Happy marriages, like u said, are a result of mutual understanding, communication and the COMMITTMENT TO MAKE THINGS WORK.

    Cheers!

  6. byola says:

    hmm,

    i have habits i picked up because i felt they are ok: like sleeping late and waking up early, like hanging around in the kitchen to chat her up while she cooks and helping with a few things, bringing the smallest something home on every major outing etc these are things i have tested and found that girlfriends love so i will most likely practice them when i find her.
    i also have some bad habits which i still cant help by now. the once i admit as bad can be corrected if i put my mind to it e.g. i’m not very good at calling. i wont remember significant dates easily. that’s not to mention the once i wont admit to as not good enough. see no amount of nagging can make me change. prayers may help…so that God speeaks to my heart and i understand by myself that i need to work on an area. truth is, i could never be made to change without first understanding that it is necessary and this is something i really need to understand by myself or through people i look up to. it almost feels like an insult if it comes from a girlfriend especially if it comes with a tone.
    i believe i speak for us guys (spirit controlled) when i say: “we can change, our spouses may not be able to change us directly but if they can find a way around it by studying how best we can understand proper justifications for changing, they can maneuver their way around that, then! we can be changed.
    Definitely not by nagging. Changing a man is God given. No two ways.

    Cheers
    @biola.com

  7. Topsie, Ese ano. My view – It will be a gross mistake to marry someone with traits, habits or characters which you cannot stand with the hope that he will change. As Tope rightly said, courtship is when a man/woman is at her best behaviour so if in courtship he can shout at you then there is every likelihood that he might top the shout up with a slap when you get married. If you know you can’t stick with that then RUN!

  8. Gbemisola says:

    Nice one Tope, thanks. What if a lady doesn’t like her guy’s sense of style? How can she approach him in a respectful way about it?

  9. Tola says:

    Hmmmm, nice article and comments. Well reacting to the last comment, if u do not like ur guy’s sense of style take it to God in prayer. Your words can do nothing……u need to pray about it so he would be changed from the inside-out.

  10. Riyike... says:

    @ Tola: pray to change a guy’s sense of style…this is interesting!
    @ Byola: Nice comment
    @ Tope: Word… the illustration of your uncle and aunt reminds of my parents. Buttressing your point, i can say(from my mother’s experience) it is not easy and takes a great deal of sacrifice, time and selflessness.

    Rephrasing my pastor’s words – praying/fasting for any deficiency/dislike which i term “unacceptable” in your spouse should prompt the “get ready to go” sign – time to reflect/ponder. Basically, you have the choice of going on with the relationship or … it’s your choice!

  11. Tope says:

    Its a strange world. If you read some of those newspaper / magazine columns where people write to seek solutions to their relationship problems, it never ceases to amaze me that one will come across some letters from ladies who write things about their fiances / boyfriends that go something like, “very often when we have a quarrel, he beats me black and blue though he will later come back on his knees, apologizing. My friends have advised me to leave him, but i love him and i don’t want to lose him and i know he loves me too”.
    Well, like an “aunt” of mine once said, if love is blind, marriage is an eye opener.
    Keep up this good work, Topsie!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *