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OLD SKOOL….

OLD SKOOL….

Several years ago, it was norm to have the men being the primary/sole provider for the family. The typical/conventional family had the father towing the path of developing a successful career while the woman was at home, taking care of the children, or at best, teaching in a nearby government school where they close at between 1-2pm daily. The situation then had the wives heavily dependent on the husband; it was easy to obey without much questioning. Then, cases of wives attempting suicide were rampant, some developed mental imbalance when they heard of their husbands cheating on them. I was not told, i know a few. Largely, one could say that wives were not independent.  

These days however, the tables have kind of turned in the sense that in almost every profession, both genders are visible – as top executives of multinationals, on boards of organizations, successful entrepreneurs, in politics, etc. Ladies have become really independent and they match up the men in a number of ways.

This independence has created a twist to the issue of submission in the marriage setting. Imagine a woman who has hundreds of men and women reporting to him at work get home and the husband says she needs to apologize for coming late, or he wants her to prepare his favourite meal and do his laundry while attending to the kids before going to bed that same night.

I was gisting with a younger, female friend recently and she said it was unfair for females to change their names to their husband’s names; afterall it wasn’t even done in the bible days! She’s very likely to have regular conflicts with her husband except she decides to submit.

A lady wanted to sell a top to me recently. It looked very much like something in ‘vogue’ and she really wanted me to buy it. I told her i needed to show it to my husband before buying it, cos if he doesn’t like it, i won’t be able to wear it. She was shocked and said, ‘i like this your love o, i wish mine could be like that’. I wondered what she meant and figured she never really cared about her husband’s views on a number of things. When you acknowledge your husband’s place, you win his favour, always.

In my own view, submission is not ‘obey before complain’. It’s the understanding that your husband is your head, your driver or pilot and so it’s in his best interest to seek your good. He wouldn’t want to overspeed or drive wrecklessly; and the wife needs to make him see danger signs, oncoming vehicles, weather changes, etc in a way that shows you’re together, and not making him feel inadequate. There’re no 10 ways to it, wisdom and a lot of maturity is needed to submit.

There’s a truth we need to accept. That is, the husband is the head of the wife; and she’s the neckJ. She’s as vital as he is, but her views need not compete with his. A soft answer always turns away wrath. No guy likes to accept he’s wrong especially when a lady is rubbing it in. It is called EGO, massage it!

Generally, it’s easier to submit for some women than others, but it doesn’t excuse the act of not doing so. I’ve done things my husband told me not to do before, and surprisingly, the outcomes in some of the cases were not favourable, i have friends who have told me the same. It’s tough to submit when you’re the first born female in the family and you were responsible for taking care of your whole clan! But we’re told to, funny enough, that’s the only thing the bible instructs women to do in marriage.

Submission ain’t old skool…..it’s an instruction from God that we need to follow.

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12 Responses to “OLD SKOOL….”

  1. JesusFreak says:

    Nice One…These sums it up

    “In my own view, submission is not ‘obey before complain’. It’s the understanding that your husband is your head, your driver or pilot and so it’s in his best interest to seek your good. He wouldn’t want to over speed or drive recklessly; and the wife needs to make him see danger signs, oncoming vehicles, weather changes, etc in a way that shows you’re together, and not making him feel inadequate. There’re no 10 ways to it, wisdom and a lot of maturity is needed to submit”…

  2. Ayobami says:

    Nice one Mumsy Ire. I wrote something close to this about a week ago —- http://www.ayooladejo.com/blog/?p=111 titled – Is man truly evolving?
    I think men also have to wake up to the reality that things have changed and both sexes need mutual respect. It is well.

  3. Royal_Prince says:

    Spot on! Tope,
    Couldn’t have been put better!
    The devil’s ploy has always been to stir up contention bw husband and wife esp. along these lines.

    Cheers!

  4. Tolu Akinsanmi says:

    ….This reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend who felt that all women should submit to all MEN regardless….I said to him I dont agree though..I beleive a woman MUST submit to her husband ‘cos like Tope said he is her head. Every other man deserves her mutual respect as one human being should respect another. I am glad we are now in a soceity that allows women to evolve and actualise their dream….also a woman is ever so blessed if she has a husband that understands that for a woman to be the best she can be, he has the duty of nuturing her into full maturity in all aspects of life in a Godly astmosphere. ( emotionally, career,etc)
    But every woman needs to know that her husbands like Tope said is her heads and should submit with her hearts and actions ( not always easy, but God commands it)……and should you have a husband like Nabal(brutish, uncaring, probably egosistical …..) she needs to do what Abigail did and with prayers God might turn his heart around……

  5. Emog says:

    True….well said

  6. Adebowale Eboda says:

    Tope i wish you would soon take the center stage on training the upcoming women!!! What you have said is so so true.

    Often xtain ladies give the excuse of “where is it in the bible per dis & dat” [name change for instance]…

    Apologies to Pastors o! But i wonder if this generation is hearing the right messages from the pulpit(s) [Men & Women].

    My advise to this new age of “Beijing 21st century xtain sisters” is: “Find a man that is submissive to the word of God; rather than spending time “LEARNING” from HOLLYWOOD; PEOPLE MAGAZINES on – “HOW TO HANDLE MEN”!!!

  7. Tope says:

    I think it may be safely concluded that the best marriages will be where you have a man and a woman who both have “understanding”

  8. Wunmi Akinlosotu says:

    True tope. I ve realised that submission is not an easy task, it takes one to conciously commit to it.One thing i do is to pray for my husband to always make the right choices and decisions as the head of the family n then pray for my self to be humble n submit.

  9. Lola says:

    This is really nice. I particularly like the part that says ‘submission is not obey before complain’. Because, truthfully, it’s not all the time a woman agrees with her husband, and she is tempted to think, ‘Okay, whatever. We’ll all see the outcome’.
    Thank God for pieces like this. They help us keep reminding ourselves about God’s mind.

  10. Ireti Ishola says:

    Submission ain’t old skool. Great piece

  11. Ireti Ishola says:

    Submission is a magic wand that can solve any marital problem.Bishop Oyedepo once said, ‘ you can’t submit to your husband and the stubborness in him will not disappear’.Submission is key to building a lasting home.

  12. Bukola says:

    Yeah, that’s one intruction for us from His word. Though it could be challenging for some who didn’t have role models to look up to, grace is available if we truly ask for it.

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