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The 4 Way Test

The 4 Way Test

While i was growing up (I still am J), my parents were very active in the rotary club. Both of them had been president at different times. Every year, we had several events; the biggest event being the annual Christmas party. There were lots of gifts to be won and we were made to participate in different games and exercises. I remember one of the exercises was the recitation of the Rotary Club’s 4 way test. It goes thus:

“The 4 way test of the things we think, say and do

1)      Is it the truth?

2)      Is it fair to all concerned?

3)      Will it bring goodwill and better friendship?

4)      Will it be beneficial to all concerned?


I’ll like to address the guys in this article. Seems i’ve been hacking the ladies in my last few articles J.


Have you noticed that shortly before ladies get married, their mothers, aunties and co rise up to give tons of counsel; they tell her to be patient, take everything her husband says and does to her, etc. She’s encouraged to always bend, and be the one to compromise. But there’s a down side to it; there’s a tendency for some guys to feel extremely powerful when they notice that the wife has chosen to submit always.


In the same way, are men counselled on how to deal with their wives? Do they learn how they can be a true head of the home? Do they know what they need to do to make their wives happy? Do they understand the peculiarities of women, most especially their wives? Many men assume that once they can provide, they can do what they please and their wives have no reason to complain. Real men are not who they are because of what they possess, it’s because of who they are.


I’d like men to apply the 4 way test in dealing generally with their wives. Firstly, are you truthful to her? Do you open up to her or you intimidate her with your ‘headship authority’ when she seems to catch you doing something wrong? Secondly, do you deal fairly with her? Do you assist her when she’s under pressure? Are you very demanding? Do you sincerely care about her welfare? Are you quick to blame her for anything that goes wrong? Thirdly, do you do things that improve your friendship or bring goodwill? Do you share your fears and victories with her? Are you naked and not ashamed when with her? Fourthly and finally, do you seek her good and benefit in everything? Are you selfless or selfish in dealing with her? The 4 way test deals with the things we think, say and do. We need to first ‘be’; then we can act/do.


I once heard an illustration by a woman sometime ago. She said a man who has to keep repeating to his wife that he’s the head of the home is not a man. Authority is a function of respect earned; men need to be role models, first in the home, before it extends out.


There’s a commandment God gave to men in marriage. God commands men to LOVE their wives. If a husband loves his wife, she will, more often than not, submit. Love doesn’t diminish a man’s masculinity; a real man practices the 4 way test and doesn’t feel insecure.


So, guys, let’s be real men who can manage our homes with love. Let’s treat the women right, they’re indispensable, and we know that, abi?

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4 Responses to “The 4 Way Test”

  1. Niyioski says:

    Let’s treat the women right, they’re indispensable, and we know that, abi? ……………..are they???…lol.
    Nice one Topsy!!!

  2. Ayobami says:

    There is a rule in negotiation according to the Project Management Institute (PMI) standard – it says that negotiations are not supposed to be aimed at winning but directed at reaching a fair compromise for both teams. I feel that is the missing ingredients for most of us – the tendency to want to win at all cost. I also agree with you that men most of the time do not take time to counsel their sons on ways to treat their wives when they get married. But I think some us got the hints from non-verbal communication which can also be very effective. I hope our generation will go a step better and be good role models to our children while giving them the correct interpretation of what the bible mandates for the family. If a man is not ready to love his wife – then he won’t get the respect and vice versa. Both conditions are mutually exclusive and until we get this into our consciousness – family life will continue getting worse. God will help us all.

  3. Ayobami says:

    I meant to say both conditions are not mutually exclusive.

  4. Tope says:

    Unfortunately, not all men “know that” or have this “understanding” and there are men in real life who feel that their wives should be doormats. I remember a tv programme i watched some years back and i think it was a christian prog. It was one of those where you have the show host /anchor and a panel of discussants. The discussion that day was on the scripture about wives submittng to their husbands and husbands loving ther wives. A certain man among the discussants, argued based on the scripture, that wives not only must be totally submissive but also that it was the precondition for “husbands love your wives”. The problem was that he was so vehement in the way he argued that i had no doubt that he would seriously beat up his wife if she ever failed to submit to him in anything (needless to say, the guy wasn’t married).
    What such christians fail to understand is that the command is “husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church” If that man had read the rest of the scripture he was quoting, perhaps he would have understood.

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