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Hello people, how has the week been? Mine has been a mix of interesting events. For a couple of months in my church, we have been looking at the subject of Character, and interestingly, this sunday we treated the subject, “Marriage and Character” and it was a fantastic message. I made up my mind to write on some of the things talked about and to share some of my own thoughts and experiences as well.

I don’t want to go theoretical in trying to explain what marriage was designed to be. We all know it, even people who flagrantly go against the original design know what the right thing to do is. Today, i’ll be taking a look at the relationship and day to day experiences of typical couples in today’s world. I love to counsel young people – single, intending couples, newly weds, etc and it’s interesting to note that what’s an issue with A is a non-issue with B even though there’s an underlining theme – in marriage, you have to let go of certain things, but the issue is that what you have to let go is not known until you enter into the marriage, it differs because we all differ.

For example, i know ladies, who originally did not love cooking before marriage. They loved to eat out and not have to stay in the kitchen for long hours. Such ladies after marriage have adjusted to having to cook. Because it’s obvious that they’ve chosen to give up that part of them, on occasions when they suggest eating out, am sure the husband won’t mind. Being aggreable and flexible is key. I’m not talking about my uncle whose wife has spoilt him by being the only one that has been cooking his every meal for over 40years! He doesn’t eat at events, only madam’s meals, she caused that one for herself by not negotiating, cos now, she complains to herself, but who hears her? it’s rather too late, and men, this case is extreme!

I’d like to give a personal example. I’m not too quiet, but am not as much of a people person as my husband, but i’ve had to adjust over the years. When we newly got married, we had guys come into our house on weekends to chop (my hubby was the first to get married among all his friends, so plenty bachelors used to fall in a lot then 🙂 especially on sunday afternoons when you just want to be alone with hubby, sleep, watch TV, gist, etc. It was not totally pleasurable, but i developed good relationships with the guys and gave them advice about their relationships. Today, almost all of them are married, they respect me and want their wives to be close to me because they believe am down to earth and have things their wives can learn from. I had to give up my “privacy” to develop that part of me. I still do regularly, as my house is ever full. I have to always overshoot my housekeeping budget, and it’s not because am giving myself a treat; is that easy? It’s not, not at all, but even i know that i’ve grown and am still growing. That’s why i believe this statement:

“Your spouse is an agent of God chosen by you to help you grow”

Growth is not easy. It involves being willing to allow the other party an allowance without being imposing or overbearing, whether you’re the husband or wife. You chose the man or woman, be willing to make adjustments, at least, move from your rigid position! Even Abraham negotiated with God about Sodom and Gomorrah and he shifted. If you’re too hardlined, there’s no moving forward, shift from the “my way” side!

I’ll definitely be going into more details subsequently. Do have a fantastic week!

6 Responses to “SHIFT”

  1. I dey learn o. Thank God some people got married before me. At least i have the prividge of learning from their experience.

    What yo just shared confirms that life is about learniing, unlearning and relearning.

    Their is no universal formular to managing people and relationships. We will have to adgjust and complomise for the relationship to thrive.

    Thanks for the insight

    Oluyemi Adeosun

  2. olufunke says:

    Nice post here
    Lessons here are very valuable

  3. Niyioski says:

    Eeya, I never realised we were costing u so much privacy in those days… Thinking back now, it is so clear how you must have felt. What a virtuous woman you are, not many ladies can “shift” on such matter. My father once gave me a marriage seminar privately and here was his submission. The day a marriage can be said to be successful is the day a man is able to give a list of things he gave up simply because of his wife and the wife can also do the same. What a summary from someone with nearly 40 years of experience as at then. Welldone Topsy, looking forward to the subsequent series.

  4. JesusFreak says:


    This is a resource hub for the married and the un-married

    Mam, when will you start your own talk shows on TV?

  5. Justdoyin says:

    hmmm…very nice post with good lessons too…I’m a very “us, our space and our time” kind of person, while hubby is an “other people” person, so we both trrrry 2 accomodate one anoda’s preferences 4rm time 2 time…least av learnt that there can be benefits 2 giving up some of our time/space/privacy…thx

  6. Nancy says:


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