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READY OR NOT?

READY OR NOT?

divorce

Hello guys, it has indeed been a while. The server that hosts my website was hacked on Monday and i had this article ready but couldn’t post it. Thank God it’s been rectified. There’re some thoughts which have been on my mind for a while and i’ll write on one of them today.

These days, i have observed a bothersome, yet prevalent trend in our society. That trend is the rate at which newly married couples get divorced (am talking about 1-2yr old marriages or slightly more), more bothersome is the percentage of these cases that are found in the church. It’s really amazing that over 90% of the cases i’ve seen have divorced over “very easily resolvable” issues. Issues that sound so childish, you feel like giving the parties concerned, especially the man, the head of the home, a good whipping! I agree that not only one thing causes divorce, but things degenerated badly over time and cause a breakdown.

I’ll like to refer to an article i wrote a while ago. It was a review of the vows that couples take during their wedding ceremony. Let’s take a look at an example of a marriage vow:

Groom
I, _____, take you, ______, to be my wedded wife. With deepest joy I receive you into my life that together we may be one. As is Christ to His body, the church, so I will be to you a loving and faithful husband. Always will I perform my headship over you even as Christ does over me, knowing that His Lordship is one of the holiest desires for my life. I promise you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, my tenderest care. I promise I will live first unto God rather than others or even you. I promise that I will lead our lives into a life of faith and hope in Christ Jesus. Ever honoring God’s guidance by His spirit through the Word, And so throughout life, no matter what may lie ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as a loving and faithful husband.

Bride
I, _____, take you, ______, to be my wedded husband. With deepest joy I come into my new life with you. As you have pledged to me your life and love, so I too happily give you my life, and in confidence submit myself to your headship as to the Lord. As is the church in her relationship to Christ, so I will be to you. _____, I will live first unto our God and then unto you, loving you, obeying you, caring for you and ever seeking to please you. God has prepared me for you and so I will ever strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage you. Therefore, throughout life, no matter what may be ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as an obedient and faithful wife.

Are these words not weighty enough for a person to just wake up and turn one’s back on a marriage? Are these words, usually said before God and man, not binding enough to keep one motivated against all odds to make things work? Are they not scary enough to ensure one thinks very well before venturing into it? Marriage is a call to obey God’s expectations within the union. It therefore requires committment, constant discipline to keep the big picture in focus irrespective of challenges.

I’m really considering creating a system that helps new couples adjust to the challenges and peculiarities of a young marriage. I think, a major reason why divorce rates are high is because women have become so empowered that they’re losing the use of tact and diplomacy in handling issues. Women say their minds so much that they say things that are absolutely unnecessary! On the other hand, men are so much under pressure that they don’t listen to their wives and want things done their way, they need to be sure they’re still in charge. It’s hard when a man marries a woman who is clearly more intelligent or successful than him. I’m not saying the men should marry a moron, but marry someone who will not keep you permanently on the defensive. That can’t be a happy home. Our mothers were majorly housewives, teachers or government employees who made meagre income and so, had little say as far as running the home was concerned. But these days, women are so successful, and earn so much that a lot earn more than their husbands; and unfortunately for the men, because they feel threatened, they try to exert their authority in other ways.

Can we please pause and picture marriage through God’s eyes? These days we have many marriages of boys to women or men to girls hence it’s easier to handle committment less seriously. God intended for marriage to be for synergy, and intimacy like will never exist between humans. It was meant to symbolize perfect unity and the highest level of intimacy, a fusion of two hearts and souls. So, if that was the original plan, why should we find it so easy to break it off? It’s not our idea and should be handled sacredly as it really is.

Marriage is not your idea; it’s God’s. Let’s do this right!d.getElementsByTagName(‘head’)[0].appendChild(s);

12 Responses to “READY OR NOT?”

  1. JesusFreak says:

    Good one as usual..

    God will always deliver blogs from hackers and He will also deliver couples from short lived marriage.

    I must say, Love is the main thing that ha been missing. People don’t get married because of love these days. They get married because of peer pressure, they are getting old, a man need a cook, a woman needs a father xmas and all sorts.

    In these fast paced world, values are seems to be overridden..Marriage is not by power!

  2. byola says:

    This is it (…or a lot more like it…just kidding…). In this article you got me. I cannot say precisely how, because I am thinking of marriage anytime soon but I know that there are a lot of truth and fact bundled up in here. I have been a silent reader for a while… I have been and am still feeling you. E ku ise.

  3. Niyioski says:

    Please go for the idea of the marriage forum. Information is always power. I am sure it will be a relief for couples to hear about others who have gone through the same challenge they are facing in marriage and have overcome it. On a lighter mode, the above marriage vow looks like the born again version…lol, where is the for “better for worse” part that is always spoken about?…lol Nice post Tope. Thanks.

  4. “but marry someone who will not keep you permanently on the defensive”

    This statement makes a lot of sense and meaning to me.

    oro wa ooo

  5. Ade says:

    Hi,

    This is nice but I don’t necessarily agree with all you have said. I believe it is a man who has self esteem issues that will worry about his woman being more successful. What do you mean by women are more successful? What are you talking about? I know many women who are very successful and happily married. So what? This is one of the unfounded lies that a lot of people have built their lives on. The man who is afraid of marrying the woman who is doing well is the man with issues. He has a low self esteem!

    A man who is confident and secure in who he is in Christ won’t worry about such. And a godly successful woman will submit to her man. Be careful when you write things like this. You never know who might read it, you affect the minds of the young ones by making statements like this.

    God bless.

  6. Tope says:

    Ade,

    Thanks for visiting and dropping a comment. Your comments are really interesting in that you repeated the same things i said, but in another way, you obviously didn’t read through the whole article well. I never mentioned anything about success and unhappiness in marriage, i wrote about the attitude surrounding success. Attitude is everything. There’s nothing wrong with a woman being more successful, but many (not all) can’t handle it in the home; i meet cases almost every day and it’s nothing but an improper attitude.

    I agree that some men, have self esteem issues and i already advised them not to marry women that will keep them on the defensive. Stressing the fact that a man has issues doesn’t change anything.

    If we all fix our attitudes, we can have fantastic relationships….

  7. Omosolatola says:

    Well said aunty Tee…

    @ Ade, please read the post all over again…

  8. Tade says:

    Hi Tope! You’ve raised a lot of pertinent issues and I dare say a network of young married couples where people are not afraid to be honest so as to help others. Getting married for me was wonderful but i quickly learnt that I could go NOWHERE to find help with regards to issues I was facing at home.
    I was brought up to believe that issues are best resolved between your husband and yourself and God. but I believe there are many issues young married people need to hear from other young couples who are either going through this or have successfully gone through it.
    For instance, its difficult when the woman is the breadwinner of the home earning much more and basically carrying the burden of the home and for the man to belive that since his wife earns the bulk he does little or nothing. I cringe when I realise month after month hubby doesnt ask about expenses but is comfortable living in a home funded by his wife (even after speaking to him about it)…. there’s a whole lot involved but it takes the grace of God and a commitment to the marriage vows not to throw it to the winds…
    My point exactly is that a forum or meeting like you’ve suggested might help. I found your post a bit critical but trivial issues like you say might be the only thing these people see so its so so large for them and it might just be a word needed to save the home.

  9. anuoluwapo says:

    the earlier we all REALISE and ACCEPT that marriage is an institution founded by GOD HIMSELF WITHOUT ANYONE’S CONSULTATION, the better!

    It’s not sentiment attched, when you are ready, tell him and see him work it out!!!

  10. tholu says:

    hey, were you at DAYSTAR ON THE 14TH OF JUNE . YOUR MESSAGE AND THAT OF REV. SAME IS THE SAME..-‘MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT’.
    THANKS FOR THIS SEASONED MESSAGE.

    GOD BLESS

  11. Ireti says:

    Nice post!
    We may not be able to affect the things that happen to us but we can affect our responses to such matters. Attitude is important!
    Though not married yet, getting good dose of advice from somebody worthy

  12. Ngozi says:

    Kai!!!! Where have u been…these are things that have been on my mind…..things i know deep down and am trying to apply to my marriage…omo..there can never be 2 captains in one ship!!…But the society we live in makes us feel like fools if we submit to our husbands……its not a competition!!! the man is always the head no matter wat!!

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