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love across the ocean

A few weeks ago, i was at a talk show, and i featured as a relationship coach. The topic was “love across the ocean, how practical is it?” I sat down among the panelists as questions were thrown at each of us one after the other. As we proceeded, i was asked a question which i found very unclear; and this is because the concept of relationship and marriage were used interchangeably. I wondered why the mix up, as i was quick to make a clarification.

There appears to be increasingly, a grey line between people that are married and two people who have a relationship and plan to marry, live together and are generally checking each other out.

Marriage seems to be losing its sacredness. It’s gradually becoming a thing of convenience. The difference is beginning to be the change of name for the woman and the wedding bands that each party wears around which can pass as a status symbol anyway 🙂 Marriage is sacred and God’s idea; and he NEVER said it was compulsory. So, count the cost, know that it’s not over when you’re tired and need to do your own thing.

When a thing begins to lose its value and therefore our perception of it, we begin to take it for granted and therefore, abuse it. I can remember i was asked a question; “if two married people live apart for an upward of 5years and don’t see each other for that whole period, will they still be regarded as being married?”. I think that question is subject to different answers depending on how much value we place on, or our perception of marriage as an institution. How can a marriage ever be healthy if the couple live apart for so long? How? Am definitely never an advocate for couples being apart for more than 2wks; maybe am an extremist, but there’s no point….Marriage is for synergy, companionship, sexual intimacy, communication, and more, so how can it be achieved when the parties are apart?

During the show, there was a man who had his whole family who had been living apart from him for 20yrs! He said he used to travel to see them every 3wks, then it increased to every 4wks, then 6wks, now he relies on facebook, yahoomail and co to stay in touch and sends money to them and now travels every quarter. Marriage has an ideal template; God intends that the couple live TOGETHER, even with civilization or technology, things can’t really be the same. I know that it’s tough, especially when both parties are career people in different locations and need to make ends meet; but for how long and at the expense of who or what? We can cut our coat according to our cloth o; at least there was a time i and my hubby plunged into full time business with no back ups (i won’t advise anyone to do what we did, but if we could survive with none of us on salary, how much more when one person is? We made it through those times and today, 4yrs later, the story has certainly changed.

God’s design for marriage was to achieve fruitfulness, multiplication, expansion, and more. So if you and your spouse live apart, set a deadline for coming together; drop that job if that’s what it takes; you’ll be amazed at enormous opportunities that exist outside your job. It’s critical. You’ll be better united to achieve more ultimately
if you put your hearts and minds into it.

Having a fantastic life in marriage is in your hands…have a great week!

7 Responses to “ARE YOU TOGETHER?”

  1. Truth is bitter! But putting it into practice will produce a sweet result eventually. Thank you for sharing the truth with us once again. God bless you.

  2. Olufunke says:

    YOu are very right about ‘Having a fantastic life in marriage is in your hands’

    I enjoyed reading this.
    Bless you

  3. Ireti says:

    Very true! I appreciate your sincereity to this relationship/marriage issues.
    I hope we all learn and keep working at it. God bless you.

  4. Ogochukwu says:

    But if long distance relationships work, then why can’t long distance marriages work also? I’m just wondering….like the man that has always lived apart from his family.

  5. anuoluwapo says:

    hustle and bustle? fear of the unknown? meeting ends needs?

    truth???? long distance r?or m? even f? is 0000000000000000

    least to say

  6. fola says:

    hello ma, complements. i am aware that you knew what went on with me i just want to hear from you

  7. Taye Olubode says:

    Though am a Single but what i love to discuss most is Marriage and to relate with Ladies in order to understand their ideal. What you say may be happen to me but i will try to ammend, Because i love to stay at Ibadan but my love love to stay at Lagos State, But i will settle that btw me and her.
    Thanks love you Sister

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