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The Marriage Cage

The Marriage Cage

Marriage is every lady’s dream. It’s the icing on the cake, especially when a lady spent the earlier years of her life looking forward to the day when she will own her own home, be a content and fulfilled wife and woman. The thrill is usually higher when the man is relatively settled – has a good job, a nice ride and apartment; the lady feels secure and with absolutely no worries on her mind.

Shortly after the wedding, all seems to be working well. While the man is away to work, she’s home putting things in order, doing some household item shopping, trying out some recipes in her new cookery book to impress her man, reads some magazines, watches TV and generally “lazes” around the house….

After several months, she gets pregnant and the bouts of morning sickness and bed rest become her main preoccupation until several months down the line when the baby lands. Then, phase II begins – sleepless nights and days….Then baby 2 comes and the cycle resumes again. Then, the woman takes a look at her life in the past 4/5years and asks herself what she has achieved. When faced with the brutality of the truth (NOTHING), depression sets in.

Why did i have to ramble through the first 3 paragraphs? Because, it’s a typical case. I have overtime constantly met with a good number of married women who have gone through these cycles and currently feel weak, unempowered, have no drive and passion or goals for the future. They seem to have lost their say and their personality in the name of being married. They have spent a good number of years, conceiving and raising children, but economically, they’re handicapped. Their minds seem to have lost the creativity and spontaneity it used to have. They can’t even handle the financial demands of their personal upkeep. The husband who leaves the house before daybreak and comes back late into the night is working hard to take care of every need in the house, including toothpick and tissue paper! Am sure many women are quick to defend their men and say that he insisted that they should not work, even before they got married. I could be wrong, but i believe that many of those men who tell their wives not to work might have meant well, but that action shows a complex, a mindset that can’t stand being in competition with their wife, a move to assert their position as head of their home; and of course, the woman is the object of that assertion. She loses grip until she feels weak and totally irrelevant.

I believe there is no excuse women can give for where they are. We need to dust ourselves up and become relevant. It’s not only for money that women need to be engaged and empowered. I’ve met wives of rich men who are bored and feel totally irrelevant. They need to have their self esteem back and be sure that they have value to give.

Woman, do you honestly feel that your marriage is a cage? Are you mentally/emotionally fatigued? Do you need to approach your husband for money for everything? Does your husband feel there’s no need for you to work at all or do you think he sees any little success you have as a threat? When last did you read a book, or attend a training on self development? Are you excited about life? In as much as I am a strong advocate for time freedom, i need us to invest our time wisely and be empowered and productive.

I am young; but i’ve seen enough cases to know that every man that projects his wife is better for it on the long run. I believe that if a man cannot develop his wife to become a better person, then it will be difficult to develop a successful team within an organization. Marriage is not meant to be an expression of the “masculinity” of the man, but among other things, an opportunity for him to make his wife a better person. Can you have a conversation on anything with your wife without fear of talking above her head? Are you growing together? Carry your wife along. Push her from her comfort zone. How she turns out says a lot about you and your ability to lead your home. Two are better than one, if the relationship is mutually beneficial.

Today marks 7 years that I walked down the aisle with my best friend and the love of my life. I did not have a very healthy self esteem; but today, i can boldly say that this union has made me a better, empowered person, who is in turn, empowering others. Today, I am bolder, more daring and jovial. I have enjoyed other healthy relationships and mentoring from reading and meeting people as well. I have had to leave my comfort zone. I still have a lot of things to work on but I’m a better person by reason of this union. My husband helped me bring out the diamond in the rough. He pushed me when I needed to be, and showered me with affection when necessary. I am free because that atmosphere was created from the start. I look forward to celebrating decades of this union, with every year giving more expression to the gifts inside of me, with my mentor, coach and no 1 fan, nudging me on, telling me I can do it!

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13 Responses to “The Marriage Cage”

  1. Your best post ever! And I thought that way even before reading it to the end… well done!

  2. Ennie says:

    Nice One! Happy Anniversary!

  3. Bukola Oyelade says:

    Spot on….Thanks for this,its a gentle reminder that is so so timely.More grace..

  4. Happy Anniversary! Really Happy for you and Deolu. Madam T, your post and testimony of 7yrs experience explicitly express what marriage should be and designed for. Marriage by design going by the designer’s manual’Bible’. my love to CM, Ire and Araoluwa.

  5. Congratulations! Down to earth talk about empowering the wife. Let’s empower our women so they could fulfil purpose and live a happy life.

  6. Gbonju says:

    Happy anniversary

  7. Adedolapo says:

    Love tis. God bless ur home.

  8. ife freeman says:

    hmmm, i enjoyed reading this all the way to the end. and i’m taking note and acting. i’m blessed!

  9. taiwo says:

    its very nice and wonderful, God bless ur union the more as u bless other with ur words of encouragement.

  10. Rike says:

    True…i thank God for giving me a spouse who keeps pushing me when i feel lazy!

  11. Rike says:

    Between, happy anniversary in arrears MI!

  12. ABIMBOLA says:

    although your best is yet to come.u are a good team with your husband and you guys rock.nappy anniversary in arears.nations will call you blessed.i look forward to more people who will read this after i have done.cheers.

  13. Annoyed says:

    What a fairy tale!
    A retelling of the classic “it’s all his fault I’m depressed”.
    Most women stupidly go into marriage with false beliefs and selfish ambition. They either adjust to reality, or exit stage left still thinking the same, all bitter and twisted.

    Few men enter marriage thinking “it will make me complete”,
    But most women do. What I’d like to know is why so many films have unhappy endings where everyone ends up married.
    Lets be honest about this – As a female reaches puberty, she wants to breed, and getting her claws into a suitable “provider” is the number one item on the top ten list of “what can the world give to me”.
    And, it doesn’t have to be a man either, not while social care will fund it. If you don’t believe me, look at all the teenage mums proudly pushing prams, paid for by you (Oh I forgot, you’re on social too!)

    So….Give us men all a break, if you’re needy, depressed and wanting to blame others – at least have the courage to admit it. That way you blame the right person and discover that YOU can do something about it.

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