nav-left cat-right

Afraid To Love?

Afraid To Love?


I’ll be dedicating this article to a particular group of guys. They treat ladies with respect, have a healthy sense of humor, they don’t womanize; have almost no vices, so they naturally attract the average lady. They are a unique set of people who by their action or inaction, have done more harm than good but are ready to argue in their defense.

Many of such guys today are already in their mid thirties or forties but are yet to be married. Every other thing seems very ok with them, except the carefully disguised fear of commitment. They get close to a particular lady, talk about almost everything but never ask her out. The lady feels comfortable with the guy, enjoys the flow, and looks forward to him popping the big question. When his friends see him with the lady a number of times, they start teasing him and asking how far, but he’s quick to tell them they’re just friends and nothing more. He simply messes around with ladies’ emotions and leaves them heartbroken and bitter.

My dear ladies, i feel your pain. I assume of course, that the person who you have been that close to is someone you can be willing to spend the rest of your life with. Once you have gone past age 25 and this guy has been close to you for about a year but has not declared his thoughts or intentions, please ask him what’s up, so you don’t waste your time. If he gets evasive after one or two attempts at asking him, just give him some space and move on, for your own good. Don’t deceive yourself by feeling good where there is “no hope”.

When you confront such guys about why they’re not yet married or in a defined relationship, they tell you about the lady they should’ve married years back who is now married, or they say they have not really found the type of lady they want. How bad can it be? What sort of person are you that you have not found the kind of lady you want? The guys in question are also quick to heave a big of relief when they see another person’s marriage having problems. They’re thankful and use that as justification for their not having gotten married yet.

To run away from commitment is to lack a sense of responsibility. Growing up is about stepping into uncertain territories with confidence that you can handle whatever comes your way. Knowing that millions of people have gone through the same route and still standing tall should show that it’s not a life threatening situation. Tell yourself that you will do all you must to have a great marriage. Be emotionally and mentally prepared. After all, marriage is not a one man show and there are no hawks waiting for you to fail (maybe there are, if you give them the permission to strike), i guess everyone is busy trying to work theirs out! I am yet to see marriage superstars; everyone that has a successful home has had their fair share of humbling experiences and leanings.

I understand as well without being judgmental, that guys who run away from commitment have seen so many failed marriages and so have become wary of it. Have you ever thought actually, that it’s not marriages that fail, but it’s people that fail? Be the best you can, ensure you are a gift to the person you will marry and look for a person who can be a gift to you too. A good marriage is a product of 2 people who have decided to make it happen. Throw away the wrong mindset, and decide to have a good marriage. I grew up hearing my mum saying “my marriage must work”; i used to wonder what she was saying. Now, i understand. If you’re willing to give commitment, you will have a happy marriage.

Marriage is a school, and an opportunity for a better you. Don’t be afraid of commitment. You need to embrace a process that will work on you, an opportunity to love and be accountable for someone; to be a role model and a coach to your family in the near future. Go for it; believe in yourself, you can do it!

 } else {

3 Responses to “Afraid To Love?”

  1. Short, Sharp and on Point… I think 1yr is however too long to mess around with someone who doesn’t know what he’s doing. Well maybe if you are 25, you can mess around for 6 months, if you are 30, I’m not sure you have the luxury of so much time wasted. The Yoruba’s say it’s the eyes that knows what will satisfy the stomach, it shouldn’t take so long to know what you want and what you can’t touch… particularly when you have so much “experience”.

  2. Folawe says:

    Really inspiring. I hope the guys will learn from this and the ladies will be more objective when it comes to issues like this. Thanks ma.

  3. tade Smile says:

    Great thought I must say..I have really learnt as a young man that ready for marriage.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *