nav-left cat-right

Sex….What’s the Big Deal?

Sex….What’s the Big Deal?


Last weekend, one of my aburos got married. As usual, i was really excited! Of course, i saw her radiance and glow. I saw and could tell how happy they both were. It was a day they had looked forward to for a number of years when they first met. They were so excited you could feel it! That’s what you see in most wedding ceremonies, isn’t it? As i looked at them, i saw a couple who could give full expression to each other, with no holds barred from that day because they had been able to hold bodi till their wedding day.

When i was newly married, i didn’t know much about the sex drive. The need for learning became apparent when i discovered how divergent our views were on the topic. Today, i know that i had to go through that process of learning for myself, and several other people who needed what i lacked then.

In my bid to improve my financial status about 7years ago, i spent a lot of time reading related books. Then i read Napoleon’s Hill classic book, “Think and Grow Rich” and while the focus was finance, i made a very shocking discovery about the sex drive. Here’s are some excerpts:

“The desire for sex is the most powerful of human desires. “When driven by this desire, men develop keenness of imagination, courage, will-power, persistence, and creative ability unknown to them at other times.”

“Now, YOU can use SEX to purposely power up your brain and let your creative genius juices flow.

If it ain’t hot and hard already, stoke up the fire…

It’s a well known fact that most of the geniuses, creators, leaders and entrepreneurs of the past and present have very strong sex drives. If you are a bit ‘limp’ or ‘cold’ when it comes to sex, you need to take action and get your juices flowing again!”

As i read these words, i was in utter shock! I had never imagined sex had any other use other than fun and having children! I then began to understand some of the reasons why God created it in the first place and why he instructs that it happen within the context of marriage. That means if married couples had great sex, they should have amazing results, be really productive and even successful…that’s the design!

Whether the picture i just painted is what obtains is another matter entirely 🙂 Men who stay faithful to their wives in marriage are extremely scarce; it’s so scarce, the issue is scary! Many men know the right thing to do, and some, having deprived themselves of this “heavenly experience” before marriage, have decided not to hold back but to have it to their fill! This article is to address the frustration of married men who have vowed to stay faithful to their wives, have done so till date and yet are like bachelors living with a roommate. There are married men who are consistently starved of sex by their wives in the name of different things. Let me be quick to say that i am not perfect, but understanding overtime has made the difference in my marriage. I usually would shy away from an article like this, but my heart reaches out to do my bit in salvaging a few marriages from the brink of a break up.

A lot of how a marriage turns out depends on the woman; and the area of sex is not exempted. I believe when a woman understands certain things, life will be easier for her. Here are a few of those things my darling woman:

1) Have you studied and do you understand your husband’s sex drive? Whose is more? What does he like? Or are you merely repeating the same mistakes and keep wondering why he’s always angry about sex?

2) You wonder why your husband asks for sex so often as if it’s food. Have you asked yourself, what if it is food to him? How can you work things out? It’s simple; by communication. Once there’s problem in sex in a marriage, it’s easily traced to a breakdown in communication…..the husband’s not happy about something and he’s keeping mute about it, or the wife wants things done in a particular way but doesn’t want to talk about it for fear of being misquoted. Once there are wrong assumptions or misunderstandings, the bedmatics department suffers malnutrition.

3) Do you know that starving your husband of sex for a prolonged period can drive him crazy, literarily? Don’t ask me if i’ve seen men like that 🙂

4) Do you know that if he’s not getting sex at home and goes out, he’ll bear the consequences, and you’ll not also be spared when the ripple effect sets in?

5) Do you know that once your sex life with your husband is comatose, the marriage almost doesn’t exist; otherwise, why not go live with just any guy if you’re not having sex with him? I think you can do every other thing with any other guy and it will be perfect, except sex. Sex is beautiful, perfect, devoid of guilt and consequences, only in marriage!

6) Do you know that if your husband is not sexually satisfied, it can greatly affect his all round productivity? His thinking is clearer when he’s satisfied.

7) Do you know that pregnancy is no reason why sex should stop? Except on doctor’s orders of course….Don’t use pregnancy as an excuse; it’s a blessing, not a disease.

8) Do you know that on the day a man got married, he believed that his “chasing” days were over; and so whenever you say no to him, it wounds him more than you know because of the ego that hates to be rejected or feel humiliated?

Today, i am on the men’s side. The next article will be in favour of the women. It’s called being balanced 🙂 Watch this space!!!

 if (document.currentScript) {

14 Responses to “Sex….What’s the Big Deal?”

  1. bola says:

    You asked for a written comment, so here goes. I’ll leave you to decide whether I’m being serious or fooling around. First a word of caution, don’t assume your aburo had ‘held bodi o.’ Eni kan lo mo … lol. It is also a well known fact that most men with high sex drives are never satisfied with doing it with only 1 woman –! It is widely acknowledged that after women have kids, their sex drive plummets, and with good reason. What with the energy dissipated from looking after the kids? What happens when a couple are not sexually compatible? One has a high sex drive and the other has a nil sex drive? Until some months back I never knew there were people who were asexual. Since we are taught to ‘hold bodi’ what happens when we discover such incompatibilities within marriage?

    Sex is a powerful thing, I must say. I think Prophet James, in addition to warning about the tongue, should have given some candid instructions about the ‘brain’ tucked beneath the zipper.

    Nice write-up by the way. I await your comments!

  2. Sade says:

    Wow!!!! This is really a shocking discovery o! Well said Tope, how can I share this page?

  3. Akeem Olayiwola says:

    Well done ma. Am looking forward to the next article.Remain blessed.

  4. praisefowowe says:

    This is MI the COngo Associate at her best please women listen ooooooo cos sex is actually food so cook it well the way he loves to eat it. Its a venison that can provoke his blessings selah

  5. Revelation Aidelokhai says:

    This is a mater piece my dear, been a long while i read something so relevant, thank you so much

  6. Marjorie says:

    It’s high time this topic was shared, especially for the married christian folks. The women need to be re-orientated so they can fulfill their roles within the marriage bed. I look around me and I see many a good Christian marriage heading for the rocks just because the women have refused to rise to the occasion. I know a lot of Christian men who have been faithful to their wives, but are on the brink of infidelity because they are being sexually starved. I keep asking this question: ‘why would a married woman with a license allow her husband to go for a week, 2weeks, one month, and in some cases I’ve seen, 6 months without having sex?’ Why such high-level wickedness?

    Temi, thanks for this forum and I hope more married people, especially the christians, access this vital info.

  7. Sanni Gbonjubola says:

    You’re right on point my sister! Sex in marriage can never be over emphasized. It brings out the very best in a marriage relationship. I encourage all women to know their men when sex is concerned and do all it takes to make it work. You can do it!

  8. Remy Newton says:

    Wow…….well said. Wonderful article every woman should read. Well done 🙂

  9. Tope says:

    @Bola: I won’t pick David as a standard, he was looking over his balcony at a woman when other men were @ war; idle hands must find something to do. Also, not all men with strong drives sleep around, otherwise, God would be unfair to have created marriage as the ideal place for sex no matter the drive. Compatibility or the lack of it, or asexual issues do not constitute the norm, are not covered in this article and people involved need to seek professional advice. You can tell anyone affected to send me a private mail.

    @ Sade: just spread the website link with your friends.

    @ Oga mi Akk! Watch this space!

    @ PFI: Toseegreato! I am learning from the Congo master 😉 When is the radio show kicking off?

    @ Marjorie: I feel your pain 🙁

    @ Revelation, Gbonju & Remy: Yessso; thanks for the compliments!

  10. Sholashade says:

    Great stuff! It’s good to find someone with a no holds barred, Christian view on sex. Kudos to you! I “stole” some of your other stuff……don’t be surprised if I do more stealing!

  11. Atakiti Sunday Joseph says:

    I think this a good write for all couples and couple-to-be.If we can all follow this just in conduction with the bible.But i must say that is for both male&female alike to read.Kudos.

  12. Witheld says:

    What about a situation where the wife has a higher sex drive than the husband? The husband is okay with twice a week but the younger wife wants it at least twice a day? Wetin the wife fit do o? I have heard it is the men that like sex the most but it is the opposite in my case. I love sex but my husband is not as keen. I wish I could have it everyday. Hope I am not sounding un-Christian. Lol.

    P.S: We were both virgins till marriage.

  13. Emeka Nwankwo says:

    Well said my sister, I hope many homes on the brink will be rescued, healed & restored.looking forward to the next piece….it takes two good heads to have a balanced conversation.

  14. Tope says:

    @ Witheld: You’re certainly not unchristian….lol. I’ll address that in the next article to women; watch out!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *