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Sex…….what’s the big deal? Part II

Sex…….what’s the big deal? Part II

The last article i wrote held a major assumption; that the husband has a stronger sex drive that the wife, this is because that’s what obtains in most cases. In this article, i’ll still ride on that assumption but will address the issue of sex from the woman’s perspective.
Women are emotional. They do things most times not only because it makes sense to do it, but they feel good doing it.

The above comment confirms why the statement, ‘i don’t enjoy sex’ will almost always come from women; many women don’t enjoy sex until a number of years after marriage, some really never do, and have accepted it. For men, sex is more physiological, for women, sex is emotional, sensual and very engaging. That’s why they want to have it only when they’re mentally and emotionally ready. The average guy doesn’t need anything special to be ready; he’s good to go! This assumption from men which is devoid of understanding of the woman’s make up, is the reason why we have several sexually frustrated men in marriages. Here are a few things men need to understand and do:

1) Don’t behave like an African man!

Many men in this side of the world believe that touching their wives in public, holding hands, flirting generally is a sign of weakness as a man; those little things increase your wife’s sensitivity to your touch as well. A lady once told me she had to warn her husband to stop jumping on her in the middle of the night, she must have been feeling used overtime she just had to blurt out. Women need to hear that they are loved and desired, apart from before or during sex; it’s reassuring.

2) Have Effective Foreplay!

A woman needs plenty of foreplay to be ready for sex (kissing, smooching, fingering, everything you wanna do). Most men just wanna “point and kill”. Be sure that as long as you’re not ready to take the time to prepare your wife for sex, you’ll either have her being extremely passive or constantly giving excuses. Also, you need to find out what turns your wife on, what makes her ready for sex quickest, that takes asking and some patience. Many men don’t even know that at an advanced stage in foreplay, your wife craves for you to penetrate. That is effective foreplay!

3) Celebrate your wife; women are super at multitasking!

Many men just whine like babies saying they’re not sexually satisfied while they’ve never really appreciated their wives for the variety of roles they play; women ensure there is no need in the house, so they always have to think ahead, the working woman is even worse – pressures at work, motherhood, in laws and outlaws, the husband’s welfare, the list is endless….Most men justify the fact that they go out and bring in the money. Today, things are different. Women work as hard, and even harder; then have to come home and ensure everybody is taken care of. The average woman’s schedule is mentally and emotionally draining, what she needs to give good sex is an understanding and cooperative husband who helps her through what she has to do. By the way, helping is not by yelling “welldone” from your laptop or TV to her in the kitchen, be involved.

If you’re not willing to help your wife with house chores by working with her, then you must be willing to pay for domestic staff who will make her life easier. You can’t say you don’t want a househelp, or you can’t pay for such, and complain that your wife is always tired or having a headache; and by the way, those headaches are real! lol. You should be able to decide once in a while as a couple that you want to retire early on some nights and let the domestic staff take care of things. There’s no medal for doing all the work as a woman. You’ll only age faster than hubby and that’s trouble for the future!

4) Don’t sleep off!

I mentioned earlier that women are emotional. They are also very social and relational. That’s why a woman will feel used if, the moment sex is over, you start snoring. I once spoke with a friend, a guy, who was shocked that there was anything wrong with it. I guess many people are. Take some time to chit chat with your wife after sex before you sleep off; that way, she’ll feel you have a real relationship.

5) Minimize the quickies.

Some men complain that their wives say sex is very painful. Is it supposed to be painful after several years of marriage? If she still maintains that it is, then you need to check what is not being done right. Ensure that your wife is sufficiently wet before you penetrate. Don’t have sex when you’re pressed for time. She will always experience pain that way. On the other hand, when you both are in the mood, quickies can be exciting; however, very important, be sensitive.

6) Get creative.

Don’t forget that you got your wife interested in you in the first place by “toasting” her and you won her over. Now is not the time to say she’s not cooperating; find out where she tickles sexually, get creative; take charge with absolutely no force. To enjoy good sex, get your creative juices flowing!

Many men don’t care so much what position it happens as long as they have sex. But women can get bored and want to enjoy the experience. Hence, the need to get creative about various styles and positions to have sex. That way, there’ll always be an opportunity to try something new anytime you want to.

Shortly before we got married, I got a few books from my parents in law (they were the first people to teach me about sex in a very down to earth way; i had a few very eye opening sessions with them). I was impressed and surprised about how much they knew. Those books i was given, i have lent out to some newly weds and they have been really helpful; they contain graphic pictures of a couple involved in different positions of sex, also shows foreplay options. If you need copies of some of these books and more on sex and marriage, send me an email on

Have an amazingly sexy week!

3 Responses to “Sex…….what’s the big deal? Part II”

  1. Shola says:

    As usual,you hit the nail on the head! Good, practical stuff.

  2. praisefowowe says:

    brilliant write up another masterpiece from my sister

  3. Bukky Alozie says:

    Thanks, good write up! If only my hubby can comply with this instructions. Most times i just don’t feel like it.

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