A few weeks ago, i was at a talk show, and i featured as a relationship coach. The topic was “love across the ocean, how practical is it?” I sat down among the panelists as questions were thrown at each of us one after the other. As we proceeded, i was asked a question which i found very unclear; and this is because the concept of relationship and marriage were used interchangeably. I wondered why the mix up, as i was quick to make a clarification.
There appears to be increasingly, a grey line between people that are married and two people who have a relationship and plan to marry, live together and are generally checking each other out.
Marriage seems to be losing its sacredness. It’s gradually becoming a thing of convenience. The difference is beginning to be the change of name for the woman and the wedding bands that each party wears around which can pass as a status symbol anyway 🙂 Marriage is sacred and God’s idea; and he NEVER said it was compulsory. So, count the cost, know that it’s not over when you’re tired and need to do your own thing.
When a thing begins to lose its value and therefore our perception of it, we begin to take it for granted and therefore, abuse it. I can remember i was asked a question; “if two married people live apart for an upward of 5years and don’t see each other for that whole period, will they still be regarded as being married?”. I think that question is subject to different answers depending on how much value we place on, or our perception of marriage as an institution. How can a marriage ever be healthy if the couple live apart for so long? How? Am definitely never an advocate for couples being apart for more than 2wks; maybe am an extremist, but there’s no point….Marriage is for synergy, companionship, sexual intimacy, communication, and more, so how can it be achieved when the parties are apart?
During the show, there was a man who had his whole family who had been living apart from him for 20yrs! He said he used to travel to see them every 3wks, then it increased to every 4wks, then 6wks, now he relies on facebook, yahoomail and co to stay in touch and sends money to them and now travels every quarter. Marriage has an ideal template; God intends that the couple live TOGETHER, even with civilization or technology, things can’t really be the same. I know that it’s tough, especially when both parties are career people in different locations and need to make ends meet; but for how long and at the expense of who or what? We can cut our coat according to our cloth o; at least there was a time i and my hubby plunged into full time business with no back ups (i won’t advise anyone to do what we did, but if we could survive with none of us on salary, how much more when one person is? We made it through those times and today, 4yrs later, the story has certainly changed.
God’s design for marriage was to achieve fruitfulness, multiplication, expansion, and more. So if you and your spouse live apart, set a deadline for coming together; drop that job if that’s what it takes; you’ll be amazed at enormous opportunities that exist outside your job. It’s critical. You’ll be better united to achieve more ultimately
if you put your hearts and minds into it.
Having a fantastic life in marriage is in your hands…have a great week!