Hallos my people, i trust we had a good weekend. I got quite a number of responses about my last article especially from guys who thanked me for telling the ladies the bitter truth, some even quoted specific people in their offices, family, church, etc; so, just before the guys think they have it all together, today i’ll be descending on them!
Guys are a very interesting set of people. They’ve been taught to be tough, confident, almost always in control, logical and not emotional; and sure, they seem to pull it off when it comes to career, business, politics, soccer….but when it comes to matters pertaining to the female gender, you wonder at their thinking many times, as in, really wonder.
Despite the fact that men are so wired, we need to consider the fact that men come from different backgrounds and based on the peculiarity of each person’s background, they have certain things they believe they were deprived of or should’ve enjoyed more of, and the craving can be so much that they grab everything that has a semblance of it especially in the quest for a life partner. I’ll try and give a few examples.
I met a guy who is stuck in a marriage and finds it hard to get out. He suddenly discovers that he did not really love his wife. The first time he set eyes on her, she was in an evening gown and he was “waohed” and told himself he liked what he saw. Today, they’re married but he’s unhappy because he has seen that there were so many things he did not check for. He says he never loved her. We know that guys are moved by what they see, but can we call the same rational/logical faculties to action in such matters? There’s this scenario i’ve seen play out a number of times. Some guys, because while they growing up, never went clubbing or to parties, never drank and had female friends, tend to want to make a statement in their final choice. They want to go for a happening lady who’s been around, seen more and is more experienced in matters of life. It goes without saying that such guy is getting into a high maintenance relationship. He’ll just discover with time what he’s up against because he won’t be able to control her or manage her movements or demands. This guy has an inferiority complex and feels a strong need for societal acceptance.
I know a guy that considers having a relationship with every lady that gives him a lot of attention, either she tells him she likes his kind of person or compliments his strengths or skills. It’s not difficult to know that such a guy was starved of love while growing up. His past relationships have been purely based on the fact that the girls liked and respected him; he has never really had to chase after a lady, he simply went for the ones that liked him and showed it. There has to be a balance!
I met a guy who told me he had suffered too much in life for him to be that way for life. He was ready to do anything to marry a lady from a rich home. What he lacked, he looked for in a lady. Now, this is not absolutely wrong, but for reasons that are mundane and not value based, it’s not proper. A guy feels he’s not so good looking, and he goes for a model to make up for it. It sounds logical, but you need to listen to these guys verbalize what they want, you’ll understand that the motive is wrong and that’s their primary desire above others. And what’s the result of this? Because the guy is not choosing to marry the person he’s real with, things don’t go well.
It’s not wrong to fill what’s lacking or try and make up for what you think you need, but please, let it be a good mix of that and strong values that will affect our choice at the end of the day. There are women that are not your type, there are those that are your type. Go in the direction that flows naturally with you. Don’t go for a woman that will not put your heart at rest, and it doesn’t mean they’re bad, just too different from you. I’ve met a couple of young guys who saw some clear warning signals and still went ahead and eventually had to back out.
Having someone to bounce those thoughts and considerations off will help you as well. Get an older person that knows you and can advise you sincerely. In a multitude of counsel, there is safety. Have a great weekend!