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Is Technology Helping Your Dating Life? It Didn’t Help Mine……

topeakinyemi

topeakinyemi

  • 4
  • April 9, 2021
  • 4:14 pm
  • 16 Comments
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Is Technology Helping Your Dating Life? It Didn’t Help Mine……

About 22 years ago, when  I was still dating my husband, there were no mobile phones. Whenever we were on school breaks, we used to communicate via letters. The post office was my weekly place of visit. Whenever we were back to school however (I was in University of Ibadan and he was in OAU, Ife), we relied mainly on one person visiting the other to stay in touch. We were in a serious relationship heading for marriage, and besides, we had no choice but to do what it required to make things work.

Being a student in Pharmacy School then, I had a regularly packed schedule of lectures, practicals, and lots of studying. Sometimes, when I felt like really seeing my boo then, I would go to the motor park and head for Ife after my last class for the day. Averagely, I would get to OAU at 7:30pm. Then the search for him would begin (no mobile phones, remember?). I would check his hostel, and would be told he left for tutorial hours ago. On getting there, I would be told he was seen heading towards BOOC, on getting there, someone could tell me he left not quite long with some people for New Buka. Haaa! That was the norm in our dating days. I remember one day when I went to surprise him on the eve of his birthday with cake and stuff, na me surprise las las; after spending hours looking for him. I eventually saw him of course; and the joy of seeing him would erase every stress that accompanied the search. That didn’t mean cases of endless search didn’t repeat themselves several times.

Whenever I share the above experiences with younger people, they are shocked. They wonder what kind of suffer-head life we lived. To us then, we never saw it that way. We did what needed to be done to make ‘us’ work. Maybe that’s why we are able to wade through challenges and keep moving.

These days, people dating have mobile phones. You can ‘at your own convenience’ build a relationship. That is bliss and massive leverage! You can ‘see’ each other everyday. Someone told me he was upset with his girlfriend because she didn’t pick his call when he had planned to pay her a surprise visit & was stylishly trying to find out if she was around. By the time they eventually saw, he was visibly upset. I’m like, really??

Technology is supposed to give leverage in making our relationships better; it’s not supposed to remove the investment of time, energy and commitment. Use Technology to your advantage; don’t let it make you lazy in putting in the required work of building a relationship. This reminds me of a Yoruba adage, ‘Oun ta ba sise fun, a pe lowo eni’. This means whatever we work for, is what truly lasts.

I don’t want to believe that relationships fail more these days because commitment is less, and that technology makes it worse. What do you think?

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16 thoughts on “Is Technology Helping Your Dating Life? It Didn’t Help Mine……”

  1. Olufunmi
    April 10, 2021 at 9:36 am

    Awesome read; some relationship wont work if no 1. You are with the wrong person even if you use drone.
    We need to recognise the kind of relationship people are in then technology can help.
    2. Some people in relationships are not ready to make sacrifice to ensure a relation works out.

    We thank God for technology and it’s actually helping relationship that makes best use of it.

    Reply
    1. Tope Akinyemi
      April 10, 2021 at 9:41 pm

      Lol @ Drone! So true. The relationship itself needs to be on the right footing for technology to help it. Thanks for dropping by!

      Reply
  2. Soladayo
    April 10, 2021 at 9:55 am

    To an extent it helps
    But sometimes… We tend to misinterpret ourselves since we ain’t seeing.

    Reply
    1. Tope Akinyemi
      April 10, 2021 at 9:40 pm

      I love that angle. That’s why we must mix it talking on phone as against just chats, and more importantly, with meeting physically, it can’t replace it.

      Reply
  3. Niyi
    April 10, 2021 at 10:09 am

    Hostel to booc to new buka….I am laughing seriously. Those were days!!!????????????

    Reply
    1. Tope Akinyemi
      April 10, 2021 at 9:39 pm

      Seriously!! Sufferhead but fun days! Thanks Neyo!

      Reply
  4. Mary Oguntuase
    April 10, 2021 at 11:09 am

    Yeah, I believe technology should make relationships better but that is contrary to what is happening. The reason is obvious, everyone is busy with one device or the other no much time for each other, also social media is the standard for alot of the youths this days , not knowing that there are lots of make beliefs , not real lifestyle , so much show off and fake lives .

    Reply
    1. Tope Akinyemi
      April 10, 2021 at 9:39 pm

      Hmmm……make belief indeed. Thanks!

      Reply
  5. Chidi Okoeze
    April 10, 2021 at 12:16 pm

    Fun to read….the flow is superb….nice memories
    These are fun memories nicely captured in words

    Reply
    1. Tope Akinyemi
      April 10, 2021 at 9:38 pm

      Thanks so much!

      Reply
  6. Abimbola Oyeniyan.
    April 10, 2021 at 1:42 pm

    Relationship is work,always.Everything can either help or stop our relationship.I was in relationship when telecoms was just waking up so we helped telecoms to communicate.Since we had a different experience we can see how telecommunication can help our relationship back then.Now it take commitment as before to put communication to good use in our relationship.Telecoms can and do help if used well.

    Reply
    1. Tope Akinyemi
      April 10, 2021 at 9:38 pm

      True. It needs to be used well. Thanks

      Reply
  7. Williams
    April 10, 2021 at 6:46 pm

    Very apt.????Thanks a lot for sharing ???? I cannot agree less with everything you have said. The fact that technology has made communication easier does not take the place of communication itself. Time and efforts must be invested in using these tools. Another important thing to consider about this technological advancement is how easily people fall into this ‘social comparison’, ‘that’s the trend, that’s what everyone is doing kind of thing’ it has its advantages but the disadvantages are worth considering. Once again, great article. I enjoyed reading ????????

    Reply
    1. Tope Akinyemi
      April 10, 2021 at 9:37 pm

      Hmm……thanks for your comment Williams. You just gave me another article topic.

      Reply
  8. Gbenga Popoola
    April 10, 2021 at 7:05 pm

    In the current dispensation, tech in relationships have pros and cons.
    Yes, it’s easier to connect, communicate and stay in touch, but a lot of value has also been removed from our relationships. Several years ago, I stumbled upon a love letter written to my mum from my dad (talk of the ’70s!) Let me ask couples a question…how many ‘love chats’ have you still kept?
    Well, change is always constant so we have to move with the times. Use tech to enhance your relationship, but I think under the guidance of the Spirit, our Sister can lead us in some exercises of yesteryears that can boost our relationships!

    Reply
    1. Tope Akinyemi
      April 10, 2021 at 9:36 pm

      Oh my goodness! Love letters of 70s’; wow! These days, we will delete when phone memory is filling up……..lol. Thanks for the thoughts shared Gbenga! Yesssso! Recommendations loading.

      Reply

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