Looking at things at face value, once you have an extra room in your house and a steady stream of income, you are qualified to take people in to live in your home for a time in their lives when they need that help. But it’s deeper than extra room and regular income.
Few months into a marriage, some people begin to get calls from their parents or parents-in-law to take in siblings so they can assist them; afterall, they paid their dues as parents to house and take care of them when they were still single. Some parents ask nicely and don’t use the blackmail method; because in some of these cases, the sibling involved needs to move to the city where you are with your family because there are a lot more opportunities for him/her to get a job and start a life. So it’s really a call to help someone “start a life”. I wish I could shoot this kind of scenario down and move on to more important things. But it’s not that simple, as the dynamics involve people with emotions and long term relationships are at stake.
What do you do when you are placed “under pressure” to take in someone especially family as stated in the scenario above? Let me mention that the person under pressure can be the husband or wife depending on their background family setting.
In cases when parents make this kind or demand or request, it usually won’t come as a shock; but the pressure can be managed. If you haven’t discussed it before, sit down and agree as a couple when you want to take a person in and what this decision is likely to cost you……..financially, emotionally, etc. Then decide to guard your privacy, reinforce your union no matter what’s happening around you (this one is a symposium topic!) This means that until you both agree to take someone in, don’t go ahead with it. Don’t.
When you eventually decide to take someone in, own the decision. Tell yourself there’s no one you will blame if along the line you have cause to regret taking the person in. It’s your home, your choice, your decision; and no matter how it turns out, you’ll be the better for it, aka lessons learnt.
What determines the kind of people you should take into your home? Are the kinds of people different if the kids are young or when they are much older?
Part 3 will come in faster I promise. Stay tuned……