What if you realize that you have made a “mistake” with someone you took in to live with you? That sounds like a heavy statement. As a married person, have you ever had cause to doubt if you made the right choice in your spouse? If so, then you need to read this.
If your live-in is not abusing your children, stealing from you, “deliberately” messing up your marriage or life, then you may need to cut him/her some slack. A full blown adult is a product of genetics, environment and upbringing, some or many of which may have been faulty and made him/her have some baggage. So far this person is ready to learn and grow, you may be mightily used by God to re-mould his/her story. There’s no irredeemable person.
Having said that; lemme say clearly by way of advice that you shouldn’t take in anyone that you can’t let go. Husband, please empower your wife in the home such that her words carry the same power as yours, especially when it comes to the children, live-ins and making the home work.
Something happened a few years ago with some of the people living with me. Two of them had been upset and holding a grudge against each other. I noticed it and felt it would pass. On this particular day, close to midnight, I heard continuous sound of a car horn at my gate; I noticed it was for a car belonging to one of my live-ins. The hooting continued and the “grudged” or “grudgee” was downstairs and clearly heard the car horn but refused to go and open the gate for him. I came downstairs from my room, in my nightwear to open the gate and lock it. As I made my way to my room upstairs, something occurred to me. I walked back to the room where both of them were and told them to pack their things and get out of my house that night! If they were not mature enough to settle their issue and I had become their gate girl, make them come dey go!
As I said that, there was pin drop silence. They couldn’t believe what they had heard. They began to apologize and promised they would settle their differences that night. They did; and didn’t have to leave anymore.
I didn’t go and take permission from my husband before I told them to go. He knows I’m pretty reasonable and after the common good. I also knew those guys needed a shock treatment. If I didn’t have confidence in my “oneness” with my husband, I wouldn’t have said what I did. If those guys felt I didn’t matter, they would’ve asked to see Oga to beg him after I told them to leave.
Live-ins should feel at home and find a home with you, but they must respect boundaries, and more importantly the unity and oneness of marriage. Even if you are a sibling, you are a 3rd party.
What happens if your live-in is becoming a threat to your home, life or marriage, and only you can see the signs? What do you do? Watch out for Part 6…….