It’s fast becoming the norm to hear the statement, “marriage is hard”. I will like us to look at it in a more fundamental way. I don’t think marriage is hard at all. Marriage is a function of the personality of the people in it. If two people who have serious issues marry each other, of course, they have set themselves up for bouts of “operation fire for fire”. If you have sound character or you’re working on developing good character, your marriage will be much easier. It’s not as hard to have a good marriage as it is to build oneself to become a person deserving of a good marriage. There are couples who desired a good marriage and gave it the commitment required to have one, they have been stretched, their patience tried, and their homes are better for it.
It’s interesting how, when you have a particular thought dominant on your mind, you hear things that just buttress or reveal issues surrounding that thought. I was speaking with someone yesterday evening, who told me about a lady she met in the course of the day and they were discussing the same topic of marriage and character. When the issue of money was raised, she said emphatically that once she gets married, her husband has no business knowing her account balance and vice versa. She said for peace to reign, it will be good if there were no crossing of boundaries of each other’s privacies. She was so serious about it that i wondered what business she has getting into marriage, she has done her introduction and the wedding ceremony is in view. There’s no amount of prayer that can give her a healthy, good marriage except she chooses to change her stance. I also once heard a newly wed lady say that as soon as she and her husband got home from honeymoon, he told her categorically that if she wants peace in the home, she should do what he tells her to. That’s scary! I can’t imagine what kind of relationship they have now.
Trust is too key in marriage, and the lack of it is a character issue. Where there’s no trust, the couple is joking. They can be good roommates, but to live as one in the context of marriage? hmmm. You
code your movements, code your financial status, code your vices or weakness, it just can’t work! Once a couple is not in agreement, the bible states clearly that “their prayers will be hindered”; so it’s in my best interest to make my marriage work. There’s too much at stake if it’s not working. Once we discover that, we are motivated not to give the devil a foothold when each one puts his part.
There’s a saying that i want to use as a final thought to wrap up this post and it’s very, very true.
“It takes a person who is dead to self to succeed in marriage”
Being dead to self involves putting the other person first, being the first to say, i’m sorry. It involves not craving to have your way at your spouse’s expense. Not everyone should, and will get married. I think many marital crises abound these days that people really need to know whether they should go into marriage or not. If you’re cool by yourself, stay single. Marriage has, and will never be on God’s criteria for eternal life with God. Marriage for some people, is bringing out the monster in them and leading them down a highway to
destruction. I heard a phone-in program on radio yesterday where two different ladies called in to say they want to kill their husbands”. I’m sure these same ladies scream and run when they see cockroaches….They have had experiences and hurts which have made their hearts hardened and ready to get rid of their perceived “object of pain”. It’s quite serious…..
So, to the single, i say, don’t search for the man/lady. Be the one. Be worth it. The mess we see around these days is a product of bad parenting which brought about weak values. Marriage is not based on
having a stereotype about men or women; stop saying “men or women are not trustworthy or bad just because you hear stories. A little leaven leavens the whole lump. “If your eye is single, your whole body will be full of light.” Don’t let a seeming little issue ruin your happiness and fulfilment in life. Anyone whose marriage is sick can’t be truly happy or fulfilled. Let’s get preventive by becoming valuable, then we can add value to our partners and the society at large.
I encourage you to invite and allow the life of God permeate your heart and life, and make you a gift to your spouse/spouse to be and vice versa. To the married, I pray that the resurrection power of christ will bring a rejuvenation to your love and home in this season.
Have a lovely holiday, and in my next article, i’ll be sharing some helpful tips for relationships. Enjoy!