PERSONALITY AND MARRIAGE

We are all unique. That’s a clear fact. Our personality (the characteristics that make us unique) would profoundly affect our marriage. Personality has a lot to do with how we see the world and people, and it impacts on what we like or do.

I’ll like to share a scenario of a couple that show differences in personalities. Mr A is a “night person” while Mrs A is a “morning person”. What does this mean? It means that Mr A has bursts of energy to work, think, generate ideas from between 10pm and whenever; meanwhile, Mrs A begins to “shut down” once it’s 9pm but she’s up and about from 4/5am.

As minor as this sounds, it is very likely to have a serious impact on their lives as a couple. It could affect communication, intimacy as well as their sex life. Mrs A wants to gist with hubby, afterwards go to bed by 9/10pm, cuddle, and make love, while Mr A says in his mind, ‘you must be kidding, the day has just begun”! I’ve got reports and deadlines to meet, and we can do all that later”. Mrs A may feel rejected, while Mr A could feel like he’s being controlled. This may lead to arguments and frustration.

I know morning people who during dating doze off on 10/11pm calls with their partners! Even at that level, it causes issues. Creativity is discovering this before marriage, and being willing to work around it to have a win-win. A night person can’t be a morning person; and vice versa. It takes real effort to work around it. It’s a part of personality. If you realize this during dating, discuss it and prevent emotional pain in marriage. It’s important.

Let’s take a look at another personality difference that often go undiscovered and undiscussed before marriage. The pessimist and the optimist are often attracted to each other!

The Optimist sees the glass as half full; the Pessimist sees it as half empty. The Optimist sees the possibilities while the Pessimist sees the problems. Each of us has a basic leaning in one direction or the other; but we are unaware of this aspect of our personality.

During dating, the parties involved are simply excited about each other, are so accomodating of each other that their personality differences may not become apparent.

For example, the optimist is a natural risk taker because he is usually convinced that everything will turn out fine. He/she is adventurous and wants to dare things that the average person dreads….bungee jumping, mountain climbing, parasailing, etc.

The pessimist is risk averse because he/she assumes that the worst could happen. So, this person is not adventurous/fun loving, and comes across many times as quite negative and ‘boring’.

Imagine what happens two years after these 2 people get married? To be continued……

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