I really need married couples to know that when either of them forces sex upon the other, it ceases to be an act of love; it becomes sexual abuse. For singles, it’s lust and abuse full blast!
True love always seeks to bring pleasure to one’s spouse. It is never demanding something that the spouse finds objectionable. If you both disagree for example on a particular way of expressing yourselves to each other sexually (e.g. Oral sex), you will need to talk about it and negotiate till you reach a mutually beneficial agreement.
Some people assume that they would get satisfied sexually at the same time. A number of such people have been damaged by pornography which is well acted script designed to mess up your mind and expectations in marriage; all na lie! There is no way pornography will help your sex life; it will damage it more or less…..
Do you really know what turns your spouse on? Do you just do to her what you want done to you? Can you pause and for once find out what he/she wants? To really enjoy sex, your spouse must enjoy it as well. God created sex, so when you’re selfish about it being only you getting satisfied, you’re not doing something right. Sex is meant ONLY for the fullest expression of marital love; devoid of guilt and fear of consequences. I’m discovering increasingly that people don’t understand the gravity of sex. It’s more than intercourse; it’s a bonding experience, the union of male and female in the most intimate way.
Sex is more than joining of two bodies, it’s the union of body, soul, and spirit, in a lifetime intimate relationship. It’s deep! I guess some of the issues couples have with sex is the fact that they view it as a way to relieve sexual tension or to have ‘high’ sexual pleasure. It’s all that, and soooo much more! Otherwise, couples would not have sex for purely selfish reasons.
The only way a couple can be mutually satisfied and fulfilled sexually is when the foundation of the marriage has deeply rooted in it, love and committment. A woman once told me that the husband would just approach her when he needed sex and tell her, “let’s have sex”. That’s so crude and lack lustre!
Sexually dissatisfied couples buzz me ever so often. They’re dying inside, but dare not talk about it to their spouses. The few who have made attempts to communicate have experienced rejection or condemnation. It’s vital to know what gives your spouse pleasure or what he/she objects to, and that can be done by listening to them. No one is a mind reader; speak out, don’t accuse or go out to tell friends. Communication unlocks sexual fulfillment!
In listening, it’s important to listen empathically, with a view to discover what the other person is thinking and feeling. What are his/her desires and frustrations? Get feedback from each other, ask from time to time what you can do to make sex more enjoyable for him/her; it’s vital! No assumptions!
We’ll wrap up Sex Matterz again in my next post.
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4 Comments
Sex is basically like learning a language. You must listen as much as you speak to master it. Lovely MI
Thank you ma, nice write up……this is very helpful. lol
for some, the hardest part is talking about sex. if one is willing to talk and the other not it creates another level of problem.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn