Hello people, how has the week been? Mine has been a mix of interesting events. For a couple of months in my church, we have been looking at the subject of Character, and interestingly, this sunday we treated the subject, “Marriage and Character” and it was a fantastic message. I made up my mind to write on some of the things talked about and to share some of my own thoughts and experiences as well.
I don’t want to go theoretical in trying to explain what marriage was designed to be. We all know it, even people who flagrantly go against the original design know what the right thing to do is. Today, i’ll be taking a look at the relationship and day to day experiences of typical couples in today’s world. I love to counsel young people – single, intending couples, newly weds, etc and it’s interesting to note that what’s an issue with A is a non-issue with B even though there’s an underlining theme – in marriage, you have to let go of certain things, but the issue is that what you have to let go is not known until you enter into the marriage, it differs because we all differ.
For example, i know ladies, who originally did not love cooking before marriage. They loved to eat out and not have to stay in the kitchen for long hours. Such ladies after marriage have adjusted to having to cook. Because it’s obvious that they’ve chosen to give up that part of them, on occasions when they suggest eating out, am sure the husband won’t mind. Being aggreable and flexible is key. I’m not talking about my uncle whose wife has spoilt him by being the only one that has been cooking his every meal for over 40years! He doesn’t eat at events, only madam’s meals, she caused that one for herself by not negotiating, cos now, she complains to herself, but who hears her? it’s rather too late, and men, this case is extreme!
I’d like to give a personal example. I’m not too quiet, but am not as much of a people person as my husband, but i’ve had to adjust over the years. When we newly got married, we had guys come into our house on weekends to chop (my hubby was the first to get married among all his friends, so plenty bachelors used to fall in a lot then 🙂 especially on sunday afternoons when you just want to be alone with hubby, sleep, watch TV, gist, etc. It was not totally pleasurable, but i developed good relationships with the guys and gave them advice about their relationships. Today, almost all of them are married, they respect me and want their wives to be close to me because they believe am down to earth and have things their wives can learn from. I had to give up my “privacy” to develop that part of me. I still do regularly, as my house is ever full. I have to always overshoot my housekeeping budget, and it’s not because am giving myself a treat; is that easy? It’s not, not at all, but even i know that i’ve grown and am still growing. That’s why i believe this statement:
“Your spouse is an agent of God chosen by you to help you grow”
Growth is not easy. It involves being willing to allow the other party an allowance without being imposing or overbearing, whether you’re the husband or wife. You chose the man or woman, be willing to make adjustments, at least, move from your rigid position! Even Abraham negotiated with God about Sodom and Gomorrah and he shifted. If you’re too hardlined, there’s no moving forward, shift from the “my way” side!
I’ll definitely be going into more details subsequently. Do have a fantastic week!